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Random Thoughts……..

I have this quirk that I can’t really explain. I keep several jars of screws, nuts, bolts and assorted nails in my garage. In fact, there are quite a few jars, probably more than I will ever use in a lifetime. I’m not really quite sure as to why I keep them because I’m not a pack rat, in fact I’m quite the opposite. I don’t hoard things around my house in the event that I may need them, I find the clutter distracting and it causes me stress. My wife and I have actually been on a de-cluttering kick lately to free up space and simplify our lives in anticipation of our new daughter. I have also de-cluttered the garage in preparation for the winter. I want to get one vehicle in there so both of our vehicles don’t have to survive outside in the harsh Canadian winter.

When I came across the storage cabinet where I keep the jars of screws and nails, I just couldn’t bring myself to throw them out or even “thin the herd.” I think I can deal with keeping them and storing them in my garage because they take up such little space. You never know when you’re going to be assembling something you purchased and its missing a screw or bolt etc etc. Nails are handy for fixing loose deck boards or hanging a quick picture in the house. I probably go to those jars maybe twice, three times a year but it’s very reassuring knowing they are there. They’re a grown man’s security blanket. Sure, I could toss them out and if I ran into a scenario where I needed a screw or nail or bolt I could just scoot to Home Depot, a mere 5 minutes away. It’s about self sufficiency, If I need something I just walk out to the garage and dig through my jars, no car involved, no exchanging of money for goods. I’m not ready to admit that it is some sort of sickness because I don’t take the time to segregate them by size or thread type. Nails are with nails, screws with screws, a simple system.

I don’t think you can trust a man who doesn’t have a small stash of miscellaneous nuts and bolts. If i ran across someone like that I’d be very inclined to say “you never thought you’d come across a time when you’d need a 2 inch phillips screw?, they’re very small, you could keep a few in a jar….just in case.” I know it sounds absurd but it’s how my brain works, you have to be prepared! Manliness is next to prepared-liness I say.

One of my favorite blogs on uncluttering and such is unclutterer.com have a look!

Do any of you guys and girls have collections or stashes of things that you keep? Do you have that drawer in your house with every possible battery size, just in case? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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2008 09 20 The Zen Dad Life Lessons
Uncategorized
productivity
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With every little bit of joy, there must be a little sorrow.

Isn’t it funny how life always balances itself out? Every good is accompanied by some bad, for every joy there is some sadness, Yin and Yang.  This, I assume, is the norm for most of the worlds population, not all bad, not all good, but balance.  I mean, there are always people who are inherently lucky and things seem to always go their way.  My wife and I are not those people.  With our family growing in the very near future we decided to go out and lease ourselves a new SUV.  We did the responsible thing and shopped around and took into consideration looks, price, fuel economy, residual value.  We test drove and compared, lifted hoods and kicked tires.  At the end of an exhaustive two week search we ended up with a 2008 Toyota Rav4.  We are extremely happy with the vehicle and it is going to suit our needs perfectly.  There is enough room for two car seats in the back for “peanut” and her soon to arrive sister, and space in the very back for our dog Lacey.  It will be perfect for camping and trips up north and handle our Canadian winters with 4 wheel drive.  I know it’s no Cadillac or Lexus but it’s in our price range and we feel it rides like a dream.  We are ecstatic with joy and very proud of our new purchase.  I know you are waiting for the flip-side to our recent joy?  Well after 26 days of possession of our new “baby”, my wife was rear ended today!  We haven’t even made our first month’s payment, D’oh!  My wife and baby to be are fine and the damage really isn’t all that bad, but Damn!  Look below for the carnage:


Anyone else have those experiences where you’re riding on a high and lady luck or karma comes and slaps you back down to reality?
Please share your stories in the comments!

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2008 09 08 The Zen Dad Life Lessons
Uncategorized
photos Comments (4) Permalink

New Design

I’ve chosen a new design for the blog.  I’m much more in control of this one so I hope everyone likes it!

Thanks for your patience while I was ironing out the bugs.

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2008 09 05 The Zen Dad site maintenance Comments (0) Permalink

How Pets Enrich Our Lives

We have a dog, a big one, not massive, but big.  She’s a boxer-beagle mix named Lacey, and we describe her as a boxer with a beagle head (doesn’t sound as cute as she looks right?).  My wife and I got her shortly before we got married.  In hindsight it was perhaps our “test run” at parenthood.  She started out as this adorable little puppy you see here.



And this is our beautiful girl now, she’s gotten a little bit bigger (about 70 lbs bigger!):


Lacey comes with a bit of a story that I’d like to share with you.  My sister lives in what us in Southern Ontario call “up north”.  It’s about a 2 hour drive north of where we reside.  It’s cottage country to Southern Ontarians, where there are a lot of very nice retired people, some people who call it their year round homes and some very backward people.  Lacey came from one of those “backward” people.  He was a farmer who raised boxer pups to sell as purebred.  It turns out that by some twist of fate a beagle got with his prize boxer mom and bred.  The result was 7 boxer/beagle pups.  Afraid the news would get out that the boxer bloodlines were not pure, he was going to shoot all 7 pups.  As soon as my sister heard this she got on the phone to me an asked if we would rescue a pup.  We sure as hell did!  Between my sister and I we managed to find a home for all 7 pups *whew*.  In a strange twist of fate the dirtbag who was going to shoot the pups is now raising boxer/beagles because of their popularity *grrrr*.  But I digress…….

Lacey has taught two free wheeling young twenty somethings a thing or two about responsibility.  Every decision we made thereafter involved our new member of the family.  We weren’t able to just up and take off for a weekend without factoring her into our plans.  She also taught us about saving, having to save for her vet bills and puppy training.  We also have to make sure she gets sufficient exercise and proper food.

When we were about to have our first daughter my wife and I prepared to smooth the transition from a three member family to a four member family.  We were worried about the dog feeling ignored and having her turf invaded.  We did everything to make everyone feel like they had a part to play in our family and that there was more then enough love to go around.  When our daughter was just a little baby, Lacey was very, very well behaved considering what she had to put up with.  Our daughter “Peanut” would crawl over to where Lacey was sleeping and poke her ears and bend her tail and Lacey would just get up and move out of reach.  Now that Peanut is older she has learned to be gentle with Lacey and not hurt her.  She has learned that Lacey needs love, hugs, kisses, treats, food and regular walks.  Today, Lacey and Peanut are best of friends.

As for Lacey she gives us all she has in return, heaps of love.  Even if I go out to the garage to grab a screwdriver she acts as if I’ve been gone all day and is excited to see me.  We as humans can learn a thing or two from our pets when it comes to animals “I don’t give a crap what you look like, do for a living or the clothes you wear” uninhibited love for us.  We had a scenario where we had put our daughter to bed and were sitting on the back porch enjoying the evening.  Lacey came to the patio door like she wanted to go outside to relieve herself.  I got up to let her out and she took off and bolted from the door, back inside the house and upstairs to the second floor.  Finding this odd I went upstairs to see where she had gone.  I found her sitting at the foot of our daughter’s bed, with our daughter on the floor crying.  She had fallen out of bed and Lacey came to get us, GOOD GIRL!

To this day we can’t express in words how much our dog has enriched our lives.  We offer in return our love to her.

I’m sure all of you our there have stories of how your pets have added to your lives.  Please share those stories and see you in the comments!

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2008 09 02 The Zen Dad Life Lessons
children
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Life Lessons From Kid Rock?

Yeah, you’ve heard it here first.  I’ve always found a lyric from the Kid Rock song Only God Knows Why very profound.  I heard the song today and I started thinking about it again and decided to write about it today.  The lyric goes:

“Oh somehow I know there’s more to life
than this, I said it too many times
and i still stand firm you get what
you put in and people get what they
deserve, still i ain’t seen mine
No I ain’t seen mine
I’ve been giving just ain’t been gettin’
I’ve been walking down that line
So I think I’ll keep walking
with my head held high
i’ll keep moving on and only God
knows why”

He’s pretty spot on about how there is always more to life than than “this”.  There’s a deeper meaning, a deeper purpose than just existing.  We need to change the world for the better, affect lives in positive ways. Either of those can come in many forms, plant a tree, adopt a child in a third world country, heck recycling even helps.

You get what you put in and people get what they deserve.  This could’nt be more accurate.  Yes there are people in life born with advantages over others and there are always going to be people who are inherently lucky.  There is no match, I repeat, no match for hard work.  The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward.  As for people getting what they deserve, I leave that one to Karma ;)

Kid Rock feels he still hasnt “seen his” and maybe someday he will.  The fruits of his labours have paid off with money but perhaps he’s seeking something more gratifying.  As for me, I think my hard work has paid off.  I’ve got a good life, a roof over my head, food in my tummy, a good job, a beautiful wife, an adorable daughter and another on the way. So,

“I think I’ll keep walking with my head held high
i’ll keep moving on and only God
knows why”

I’m with Kid Rock on this one.

Do you guys have any special lyrics from songs that really stick in your head as being profound?  I would like to see which ones you guys choose.  See you in the comments!

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2008 08 27 The Zen Dad Life Lessons
tips Comments (7) Permalink

Why Kids Are Always Testing Your Limits

I’ve had a chance to spend a great deal of time with my nieces, my daughter and her cousins over the years.  What I’ve noticed is that each and every kid is always testing the limits.  They try to make their own rules and break the ones you make.  As much as you tell them not to do something because it will lead to bodily injury, they’re going to do it anyway.  As annoying as it can be at times, kids are not only learning what they can get away with, but they’re learning a lot about themselves.  Let me explain:

1. It teaches them what will hurt them and what will not. 

2. It teaches them that they have to listen to their parents because we are typically looking out for their well being.

3. It teaches them that there are repercussions to disobeying.

4. When they get away with something it teaches them something about their limits.  What they actually can do, physically or otherwise.

Our house has porch that overlooks the driveway with a two foot drop to the driveway.  Continually we are telling our 3 year old daughter not to go too close to the edge of the porch out of fear that she will tumble off the edge and hit or head.  Every now and then she ventures towards the edge of the porch and tests her boundaries until we scold her.  One day when we were heading out, instead of taking the stairs she ran over to the edge of the porch and jumped off the side to the driveway and landed on her feet.  Needless to say my heart was in my throat.  I didn’t immediately scold her but told her how careful she had to be doing that.  I told her it was safer to walk around and down the stairs but she asked “why when I can jump off the side?”.

The thing we can learn from this is we need to keep pushing the limits ourselves.  We need to do physically challenging things on a daily basis.  We need to question authority, you know, within reason.  We need to ask “why?” and not accept the norm, look at things from a different angle.  Kids minds work differently than adults because they haven’t had the years of constant “no, you can’t do that”.  They think and act freely without the constraints of patterned thinking forced upon them by “normal society”.

I didn’t want this to be a “break the shackles of corporate society” blog post because I don’t do those.  There is a lot of that around the blogosphere and I think some of it is complete b.s., but that is not to say that I don’t enjoy reading those kinds of posts, they’re an enjoyable read, just not always practical.  I think you can live a fulfilling life by having a balance between your yearning to break the cycle of “middle suburban America” and saying screw it to “the system” and living like monk vs. becoming an over-consuming brain washed corporate yes man.  After all, isn’t healthy all about balance?

This is why watching kids is great.  They learn which rules are there to keep them safe but are striving for ways to reinvent “the game” and keep it fresh and interesting.  I think adults need to think about doing this more often.  Why is it that kids always have the right idea on living a fulfilling life?

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And please, share your thoughts in the comments, see you there!

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2008 08 16 The Zen Dad children
fatherhood
tips Comments (2) Permalink

There’s No Friggin’ Way I’m Ever Getting Married!!

image courtesy of allyrose18

That’s what I would have said if you asked me about marriage when I was in my early 20’s.  I understood marriage to be a death sentence to all things that were good about being single.  You know, strap on the ol‘ ball and chain and serve your sentence.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  When I found the “right girl”, the woman to which I am married, I realized that marriage IMPROVED my life in ways that would take ages to describe here, but I’ll try. 

My wife is my…
a) best friend:  She sticks with me through thick and thin.  Through all of my hair brained ideas, eclectic personality, my love for sports, getting a little drunk and rowdy with the boys.  She’s always there to listen when I need someone to talk to.

b) lover: Most importantly, because intimacy leads to strong bonds in relationships and has also given us our beautiful daughter and our other daughter soon to come into this world.

c) partner in crime:  It’s nice to know that someone always has your back, always.  Even if I’m not doing the right thing, she’s always there for me.

d) confidant:  There are things about myself and my past that only my wife knows, enough said.

e) protector:  She’s always been concerned with my well being and health.  Hell, there’s only one woman I know that got me to quit smoking and look after myself a little better (thanks honey!).

f) financial advisor:  She looks after the household finances, something I used to do when I was single but was never quite as good at as her.

g) mother of my child:  She’s a great mom and we are absolutely 100% parallel in our ethics, goals, and parenting methods.  This is very important because kids learn to spot differences in mom and dad’s discipline and learn to “divide and conquer” at a very early age.  Teamwork is essential.

The reason I’m taking the time to give my wife the credit that she deserves is that in just a few hours from now, we will be celebrating the 5 year anniversary of the day she made me the happiest man in the world and said “I do”.  Yep, it’s our 5 year anniversary on 8/9/2008. Anyone who’s stuck with me that long and hasn’t killed me yet deserves a medal! (kidding, ……….sort of)

We always hear the downside of marriage played up in the media, how it’s so difficult and how the divorce rate is so high.  What I’d like you guys to share is what you think are the the GOOD things about being married, I’m sure I missed a few.  See you in the comments!

If you enjoyed this, please click on the Stumble This link below or share it on Digg!  Thanks!

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2008 08 08 The Zen Dad marriage Comments (3) Permalink

Back From Vacation

Hey everyone,

I am back from a short vacation.  I feel refreshed from a visit to my parents on my wife’s side.  We got some sun, caught some fish, had a few beers and spent some quality time with family.  I’m going to see you tomorrow with a brand new post about our usual insanity here at Zendad.  Below is a picture of the lake behind the house, the sunsets are beautiful there!  See you tomorrow and thanks for your patience in my absence.  Hopefully soon we’ll be big enough for guest posts when I’m away.  I missed you guys!

Our pup Lacey:

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2008 08 07 The Zen Dad Uncategorized Comments (0) Permalink

I Think I’m Turning Into My Father

I think I’m turning into my father…
Well, not literally, what I mean to say, is that I’m getting some of those signs of maturity (the kind word for getting older) Here are a few signs I’ve noticed:

1. Music CAN be too loud. Yep, you heard it here first, this from the guy who used to sport a 600 watt amp and subwoofers in the 2 seat cab of my very small truck.  Don’t get me wrong, I like loud music, sometimes.  It has to be good music, but with clarity.  Some of the stuff that I am hearing today, I think people are just going for sheer volume over audio quality.  I also think that the movie theaters are too loud, almost to the point I don’t enjoy it.  That probably speaks volumes (no pun intended) as to why I gone to the movies in ages.

2. Bodily Noises. Nope, not the ones you’re probably thinking of, everyone makes those noises.  I’m talking about the ones that are involuntary and just appear with age.  I don’t recall bending over to pick up stuff when I was in my teens and making that “yuummphhhhh” noise when I straighten back up.  Or crouching down to tie my shoes and my knees making that awful cracking noise….that just came from nowhere. 

3. Being folically challenged. It’s God’s cruel joke that as some men age, they start having difficulty growing hair.  In high school I used to have a thick luxurious head of hair with great volume, now, not so much.  In a strange twist of fate, I can seem to grow hair where before there was none.  It appears in spots where hair doesn’t grow when you are a younger man.  This explains the litany of razors and shavers and clippers aimed at eradicating the offending hairs.

4. I sure can’t party like I used to. I work 12 hour shifts at my job and I never used to let it get in the way of partying.  When I was in my 20’s, I recall working my shift from 7am to 7pm, getting home and having some dinner, start making calls to go out and meet at 10ish.  We used to party till 1 or 2, come home and sleep for 4 hours and get right back to work in the morning as if we had slept 8 deep rem sleep hours.  Sadly, nowadays I try not to have a beer after 10 pm on a “work night”, otherwise I feel like crap the next day.

5. My body is a temple. I recall my father saying to me when I was in my teens “enjoy it while you can son, that will change” when I used to be able to shovel anything into my body and stay in terrific shape.  I had a flat stomach and awesome flexibility, now I struggle to keep my flexibility with yoga and stretching.  I can still see most of my feet and tie my shoes, YESSSS! (ha ha).  I do like my beer so my six pack abs are protected by my “Molson muscle”.  I’m working on this one.

6. My appreciation of the fairer sex. I started work young, when I was in my very early 20’s.  I remember working with guys who had 20-30 years on me who used to see a young girl working in the office and one would joke “Geez, I’ve got belts older than her!” and we’d laugh.  Sadly, this realization as I grow older, is happening to me. *sigh*  I still have a great appreciation for beautiful women, I just don’t ever want to turn into the “creepy old guy”!

7. Your wheels speak volumes about you. This has been cyclical for me and I’ll tell you why.  When I first got my drivers license at 16, I just HAD to have a car, any car, it could have been a mechanical heap, as long as it drove and I had my freedom.  My first car was a crapbox, it was a 1986 Pontiac Acadian, two tone gold and black, hideous but I was free!.  I then wanted a NICE car and spent a crapload of money over the years buying and maintaining nice cars.  I now look for a vehicle that is “sensible”.  Sensible, I am my father.

8. Responsibility. This one hasn’t been a recent shocking revelation for me.  I have been becoming more responsible over time.  It first happened when I got married and went from I to We.  The next step in this progression is when my first daughter came along.  I was now responsible for another life other than my own and my wife’s. 

Maturing is not all bad though, I’ve become a little wiser than I used to be in the past. Now onto some of the great parts of getting older/maturing:

1. I’ve learned from past mistakes (mine and others) and use that to avoid repeating it and wasting time. 

2.I make all of my own decisions now and I am in charge of my own destiny (especially when my wife isn’t around). 

3. I’ve adopted the work smarter not harder attitude and that goes miles towards self preservation. 

4. I abuse my body much less than I did in the past (much credit to my wife for getting me to quit smoking).  I’m also looking after myself a little better every year.

5. Patience, I realize nowadays that not everything needs to happen yesterday, most things can wait.

Please share your thoughts and experiences on gaining wisdom and its associated drawbacks with age (I KNOW I’m not alone here).

Please note: this blog post is general musings, I’m only in my 30’s.  I STILL some HAVE HAIR! (just had to say that)

See you in the comments!

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2008 07 31 The Zen Dad fatherhood Comments (6) Permalink

Why You Should Be Taking More Photographs

image courtesy of eskimo_jo

My wife and I are in an uncluttering mode recently.  This is most likely because we are expecting our second child soon and are going to need all of the space we can get our hands on.  This weekend it was time to go deep into the dark corners of the basement to look for clutter, and boy, did we find some.  We even managed to find a few boxes that we had not even unpacked since we moved (which was 17 months ago!).   We also managed to get rid of a bunch of stuff that we were just “holding onto” really.  I find it very spiritually uplifting when we unclutter , not only are you creating space but you are getting rid of the things that are weighing you down.  For more on uncluttering see unclutterer for tips and tricks, it’s a great site.  Uncluttering is not what this post is about though.

In the cleanup we came across some boxes of old photographs (eek I know they should be scanned into the computer and the originals in albums, but I digress..).  Finding old boxes of photographs really slows down the cleanup process but is a nice way to take a break.  As we dug through the box of photographs I could’nt help but notice a few things I was thinking that I wanted to share here.

1. It’s neat to see yourself as a child in photographs.  Wide eyed and full of wonder, un-jaded by the passage of life experiences.  Pictures of you back before any label other than your name is placed on you.  You aren’t the father, mother, businessman, firefighter, accountant or whatever it is that you’ve become, you’re just you.  

2. You can re-live good experiences by having your memory jogged by seeing a photograph.  That trip to the zoo, camping with your parents or just that time you remember with your arms wrapped lovingly around your beloved childhood pet. 

3. It’s fun to see your parents not as you know them now, but when they were younger.  Before the label of parents were proudly placed upon their chests they were just “them” too.  A young man and a young woman, photos with friends, at parties or just hanging out.  Not “dad” who is the one who mows the lawn and takes long, lazy naps on Sunday.  And mom who makes Thanksgiving dinners like you wouldn’t believe and loves to spoil her grand kids.

4. Fads.  It’s funny to see the clothing styles and fads that you passed through on your journey to where you ended up.  It’s also very humbling to see photos from “the dorky years” or when you suffered through the “bad haircut”.

5. Homes.  If you are lucky enough to still be living in your childhood home (or not) then this doesn’t apply.  In my case its fun to see some of the homes you’ve grown up in and remember what made them special.  You quickly find yourself saying something like “I remember that house on *whatever* street, the squeak in the fifth and sixth steps made it difficult to sneak in late when mom and dad we’re sleeping”.

6. Perhaps you will run across old friends that you haven’t spoken to in a while.  Maybe you should get in contact with them!  With awesome services like facebook it’s getting easier and easier to find long lost friends.

Now I must admit that I am a bit of a photo nut.  I take tons of pictures, tons.  I have a little Canon point-and-shoot camera I throw into my backpack and take most places, allowing me to catch spontaneous shots.  I got this motto of taking your camera everywhere from a great photographer who inspires me, his name is Thomas Hawk.  For larger events I pack our Canon DSLR for serious work.  I do this for a) myself, because I love doing it and b) because I want my kids to have lots of photos to dig through when they grow up and to look back on.  Digital cameras are inexpensive and with the immediate gratification of being able to see your shots right after you take them, you definitely should be taking more pictures!  Get out there and document your life! Happy snapping!

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2008 07 28 The Zen Dad children
fatherhood
friends
motherhood
photos
tips Comments (5) Permalink